Overcoming Defensiveness Key to Better Workplace Environment

My LPO was being counseled by the Senior Enlisted Leader (SEL) for our directorate.
"Your problem is you're too defens---" was all he was able to get out before the LPO interrupted, saying, "No, I'm not!"

This occurred after he had already been brought in to my office to discuss progress on a self-improvement plan. In that discussion, the LPO could not get himself under control to stop talking, even after repeated and even rude requests to be quiet.

After his discussion with the SEL, he came to me and said he recognized he had a problem. "So if you see me bringing my hand to my mouth," he said. "That's my way of slowing myself down so I don't interrupt or respond right away."

I told him I was curious about when this defensiveness had started. "When I became a corpsman," he said. "People assume because I started out in another specialty, I don't have any medical knowledge." He pointed out several individuals, including the Department Head and a fellow surgical technician as culprits in minimizing his experiences and abilities. "Well," I said. "There are gaps in your knowledge and not everyone knows what they are. Isn't it better to assume you don't have an essential skill than to assume you do?"

In any case, I doubt his defensiveness just started when he became a corpsman. Argyris, a leader in adult education, believes defensiveness starts in childhood and is reinforced throughout life. However, he is taking positive steps to correct this behavior. As Jim Tamm, author of Radical Collaboration, says, recognizing defensive behavior is the first step. Dr Nathan Cobb, a psychologist and marriage therapist in Calgary, has a very good workbook on overcoming defensiveness. Although "How to Overcome Defensiveness" is directed towards marriage, my LPO admitted that he adopted a defensive attitude at home, too.

One of the important things I learned in our encounter that started this spiral was my own role. I chose to become angry when the LPO would not stop talking and, for that, I regret my responses. Ridge Training's Overcoming the Destructive Dynamics of Defensiveness could have helped me stop my inner Mr Hyde from erupting.

The second step is acknowledging the emotions that come with the awareness of defensiveness. In this case, the tenets of yoga (breathing) and Buddhism (mindfulness) are invaluable. The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh looks promising. The link from YouTube provides mindfulness using movement.


This website provides information on using hypnosis to overcome defensiveness. I'll let you know how it goes.

Supervision is a lost art...

A guest article written by Michael Taplin on Slow Leadership really resonated with me. His article, "The Lost Art of Supervision," discusses how everyone has become a leader, but we've lost our supervisors, the ones who tower over us to teach us what we must do, to hold us accountable to our responsibilities, and to remind us of our moral code.

Super article—a must read for anyone who wonders where they fit into the current world.

Processing Betrayal in the Workplace

My Leading Petty Officer (LPO) decided to bail on mandatory training for the holiday. I did not realize this until one of my colleagues remarked, "You'd better tell your corpsmen to get back to work. They need to stop paging themselves out of training." I was furious and embarrassed.


I walked into the main office where all the HMs were sitting and talking and asked if everyone had attended training. One of the HMs said pointedly, "Some of us did, ma'am."


The LPO laughed.


I was speechless for a moment, then said, "What a great leadership example you set." I turned and walked back to my office. They went to lunch.


When the corpsmen came back, the LPO stuck his head in my office. "Ma'am, I just wanted to let you know that I took what you said to heart. I'll be going to the afternoon training session."


It has been several weeks and I am still angry about it. I don't understand why this still infuriates me. Part of the problem is this LPO is a cross-rate---he did not attain second class in the HM field, but exposure to the fleet should have impressed upon him the importance of setting the example and completing mandatory training, no matter how much a waste of time the training may be.


This article, Betrayed? 7 Steps for Healing, provides a good process to work through the feelings aroused by betrayal or a loss of trust. I'm pretty sure my HMs have already worked through the first step (Observe and acknowledge what has happened) and have moved on. The LPO came to my office and apologized for his behavior later that day so we've also accomplished step 2: Allow feelings to surface.


Step 3 says to Give employees support. I am still finding it difficult to be in the same room with this person---I feel uncomfortable in his presence...which makes me angry at myself. I sent an email message to him stating I was still available for mentoring and coaching, but he never responded, so I can only imagine he is just as uncomfortable.


In order for me to work through this, step 4 suggests Reframe the experience. In this step, I have to look at the role I played in this issue. Clearly, I did not have him think through the scheduling of training attendance: having all HMs but one at the morning session would not allow flexibility for emergencies within the clinic. In discussing this issue with the Senior Enlisted Advisor and the Department Head, I have realized that my leadership efforts and input are neither wanted nor desired. Asking myself questions like "How can I change my response?", "What choices or options do I have now?" or "What can I learn about myself and others from this experience?" gives me valuable insight into myself and my own actions and responses.


In step 5, they suggest I Take responsibility. I should ask myself, "What can I do now? What is in my control and what isn't? What can I do to make a difference?" In this case, I can simply give away control (ha! I never had it!) and refer questions on any clinic operations to the Department Head for action.


Step 6 is the hardest: Forgive. I must free myself of the anger, bitterness and resentment. "What needs to be said or done to put this issue to rest?" My biggest complaint here is the lack of communication and my lack of inclusion in clinic operations.


Finally, step 7 is Let it go and move on. As with Kubler-Ross's work on the stages of death and dying, I will not be able to accomplish these steps in order and all at once---it takes time. I love the model posted at the top of this article.


Click here for more information about the Reina Trust Building Institute and their book, "Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace: Building Effective Relationships in Your Organization, 2nd Edition (2008)."

Workers Leave Managers, Not Jobs

From a nursing leadership perspective, the middle manager and his or her emotional intelligence are critical elements in recruiting and retaining nurses. Slow Leadership, one of my favorite blogs, features writing from Peter Vajda:

Twenty Indicators of Failing at Leadership

My favorite leadership failure indicators from his list:

• Leaders who begin their responses to others’ suggestions or ideas with “no”, “but” or “however.”

This one happens all the time. Currently, my department is pushing through a space utilization request. I've had staff at every level of the approval process tell me, "You know that this space is already spoken for, right?"

• Leaders who rationalize counter-productive processes, procedures and nonsensical bureaucratic practices by saying: “That’s just the way it is.”

Oftentimes, it takes more energy to keep the status quo than to consider an alternative. I wanted to do a replication research project when I first got here and was rebuffed. "It'll take too long to get the project approved."

• Leaders who become defensive every time someone questions, or is curious about, one of their thoughts, beliefs or decisions.

Fortunately, we've had a regime change and it appears the newly-instated leadership is open and accepting, which was not middle management's experience with the previous occupants of the C-suite.

• Leaders who are scattered, unfocused and unbalanced—be it mentally, emotionally or physically.

If you don't make a decision, then you can't be accused of making a bad decision, right?

• Leaders who are a source of weakness, confusion and passing the buck in a stressful and uncertain environment.

My director scheduled a call to a specialist in a project I was working on. He commandeered the conversation and asked questions I already knew the answers to and failed to ask the questions for which I needed information. He made both of us look foolish and ill-prepared and wasted this other person's time.

Fortunately, Vajda also offers antidotes to these leadership problems through self-reflection with directed questions. I would encourage you to read them for personal insight and work. I know I used to consider being an expert clinician the height of professionalism. I'm coming up on the two-year anniversary of LT Willman's death and another well-respected nurse attempted suicide this past month. Real leadership is hands-on and messy.

So, how do YOU feel about the idea that “soft skills” are so important to defining your career as a successful leader?

True Leaders Good at Giving Bad News

The Selection List for Staff Corps Commanders was released two days ago. One of my colleagues was up for promotion and I've talked to her over the past few days. I thought she was holding up remarkably since she was passed over and I'm not sure why I didn't say anything to her about it.

In the passageway this afternoon, the Division Officer for the Emergency Department confided to me that she had told C she was so sorry. C whitened and gave a little gasp. "Is the list out?" she wanted to know.

"You don't know?" the Division Officer asked.

"No," C replied. "I've been checking the message boards constantly." So our esteemed Director for Nursing Services took the cowardly way out of delivering bad news---he let someone else do it inadvertently.

The Division Officer also told me the Director for Nursing Services failed to contact the candidates for the DUINS program (Duty Under Instruction----full-time graduate schooling) who were not selected at this last board. "'I can't get in touch with them," he said,'" she told me. "Well, that's BS because I had no problems contacting them. He just didn't want to be the one telling them the bad news."

Leaders don't get to give only good news. Being able to give bad news and temper it with constructive thought on being competitive the next go-round is a vital communication skill and can make the difference between having a demoralized worker and one energized with a plan for success the next time.

Dr Robert Buckman, an oncologist, knows how difficult it is to deliver bad news. He suggests active listening and kindly communicating reality. When the reality hits, it's important to legitimize the emotions, but not to become emotional yourself.

Perhaps I should be kind and understanding---but I can't. When you wear the rank of CAPTAIN, you lose the privilege to delegate the hard tasks to your subordinates. That's why you're the captain.

Managing by Carrots--Are You Doing It Right?

Recognizing and rewarding employees is an integral function of the leader and manager. As someone who is internally motivated, I overlooked opportunities to recognize others in the past, but the article below, reprinted with permission from Adrian Gostick and Potentials Magazine, made me rethink the purpose of recognition and how to do it right.

Several years ago, I completed a nomination for one of my colleagues for her volunteer services within the community. When I submitted the nomination up the chain-of-command, the Director looked up at me from behind her desk and said, "Thanks. I meant to do this but ran out of time." The problem is I was a lieutenant taking the time to recognize the activities of a fellow lieutenant and the director was a captain, our immediate supervisor.

If you are truly taking care of your people, how can you possibly run out of time to recognize their good works?

The only praise that doesn't work is the hollow praise of "Good job." It doesn't take much to personalize it and to let the recipient know exactly what the "good job" constitutes. The phrase that pays says, "No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care."

POINTED PRAISE PRODUCES BETTER RESULTS
Recognition without specifics can be worse than no recognition at all
Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton

The next time your young child, grandchild or niece brings home a Rorschach painting from school, try an experiment. Instead of patting her on the head and saying, “Aren’t you just the best little artist,” try talking about the specifics of the painting.

“Why did you use red here?” “What have you drawn here?” “What action is going on in this area?”

When you praise the child and hang the painting on the refrigerator, use specifics such as, “I love how your flowers are turning toward the sun; that’s very observant.” Or, “You know, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen scarier blue alien bugs.” We guarantee that your little one will light up to such specific praise and remember it for a much longer time.

Author and scholar David Cherrington gives a fun demonstration of why such specificity is so important in his book, Rearing Responsible Children.” Cherrington says of one father he observed, “He expressed appreciation to each of his three children individually in the presence of his wife. The father’s comment was a simple statement: ‘I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do.’ (The father supposed, like many managers, that any kind of praise would have a positive impact.)

“After he made the comment and left, his wife asked each child why the father had expressed appreciation. The 10-year-old replied, ‘I guess he must be upset because I didn’t get the dishes done like I was supposed to.’ The 13-year-old replied, ‘I don’t know. I guess he was just feeling sentimental.’ The 15-year-old said, ‘Who knows what he meant. I don’t think he understands what’s going on around here.’”

Say what you mean
In the work world, we’ve all known bosses who have fired out glibly, “Hey buddy, you’re doing a great job,” or “I appreciate all you do,” or “You sure look busy.” Unfortunately, these hollow phrases often leave employees wondering, “Does this guy have any idea what I really do around here?”

“Expressing appreciation in general, unspecified terms fails to communicate what the person did right and often appears insincere,” says Cherrington. Instead, when giving praise, describe the great behavior, why it was helpful, and say thanks. It’s that easy.

By taking a few minutes to prepare, and by using a few helpful techniques, your day-to-day recognition moments (and your formal recognition events) can do much more than simply thank employees for their contributions; they can enhance working relationships and increase feelings of loyalty and commitment.

No secret intelligence
To ensure that you’ve remembered everything, consider using the following mnemonic device: CIA – the Company (and department), the Individual and the Award. To help recall this acronym, remember that a good presentation takes a little bit of investigative work.

Company: Be prepared to talk about the company and team goals. You’ll want to reiterate why this is a great place to work (your success, your history, exciting changes, superior quality, etc.).
At FedEx, for example, managers use the recognition presentation as a time to talk about their values of people, service and profit.

Individual: Relate specifically what the individual did to earn this award or recognition and how this achievement helps fulfill your team and company goals. To get the most impact, except with very shy recipients, you’ll want to invite co-workers to talk about the person’s qualities, creativity, dedication and specific work achievements.

Award: Finally, talk about what you are presenting to your employee – whether a formal award for service or performance or a more informal award. If it’s a formal award, talk about the symbolism incorporated into the item – the gold company logo or emblem, the engraving, etc.

Never bad timing
The great thing about carrots is that they are always in season. When times are good in your company, effective presentations will give you a chance to celebrate and reflect. Unlike monetary rewards that dry up when times are tight, carrots can be used during downturns to bring you closer together and give you hope that better times lie ahead.

By making the presentations public, you not only make the person being recognized feel appreciated, but also inspire those who are in attendance. In fact, a great presentation should get people asking themselves, “What memorable or noteworthy things have I done for the company?”

Here’s an example of how it’s done right: Grocery store chain Festival Foods in Onalaska, WI, invites customers and employees to “huddle up” for recognition moments. Twice a year, the company brings in all store directors for hands-on training and meetings called “Festival College.”

After the training, leaders from the company offices go to stores for regular presentations – not only to ensure that recognition is being done right, but to get involved themselves and lead by example. As Festival Foods President Dave Skogen says, “While it’s crucial to have the best quality products and the cleanest, most attractive facility, ultimately it’s employee attitude that brings customers back.”

Adrian Gostick is director of marketing and corporate communications for the O.C. Tanner Recognition Company (www.octanner.com). Chester Elton is national director of performance sales for O.C. Tanner. This article was excerpted from their book The 24-Carrot Manager: A remarkable story of how a leader can unleash human potential (Gibbs Smith, 2002).

If you don't have time to read, consider listening to their podcasts:
http://www.podcastdirectory.com/podcasts/6582

Relationships Critical in Effective Leading

This month's issue of Center for Creative Leadership says "the ability to build and maintain relationships and work well with others is in big demand - and in short supply."

While I might think a leader is the one on point setting the pace, it's the manager who collaborates amongst departments to share resources, develop programs, and train personnel while simultaneously integrating direct reports' career and family desires with senior management edicts. So who really adds more value to an organization?

CCL says "Organizations are increasingly operating in ways that involve interdependent, boundary-spanning work - creating a greater demand for leaders who are skilled at participative management, building and mending relationships and change management."

Today's Navy Nurse manager [Division Officer] usually cannot offer choice job assignments although senior management does try to match career desires with billet openings. I have found that giving an expected timeframe for this transfer to a coveted position helps as well as exploiting opportunities for cross-training when workload is light. It also helps that nurse develop relationships with nurses already working in that department so this person is not only getting the benefit of me "pushing" this person to that department, but the department is "pulling" that person to come work with them in staffing meetings.

We cannot pay someone more for working the off-shift, weekend or holiday. This past summer, when staff members were working 18-20 twelve-hour shifts and on-call for more, the Nursing Middle Management Council wanted to reward those staff members with----a pizza party. I rolled my eyes. "Why not reward them with something that REALLY matters?" I asked. "Why not submit a nomination for a Navy Achievement Award---something that would appear on a fitness report and be presented in front of peers by the commanding officer?"

The response? "I'm really busy. I don't have time to write up a nomination." So, calling Pizza Hut or Dominoes is the ineffective leader's gift to direct reports. And it gives me a very good insight as to this manager's relationship abilities.

My Learning Edge

Adam Kayce of "Monk at Work" has challenged me to push the envelope of my intellectual horizons...which I believe I do on a daily basis in my commitment to lifelong learning.


I just finished reading "It's Okay to be the Boss," by Bruce Tulgan of Rainmaker Thinking. I was a hands-off leader, which is great if you're leading Marines, but it wasn't the appropriate leadership or management style for the nursing unit I was assigned. It only took me 15 months to realize I needed to be more hands-on, more involved, and more directional.

When one of my staff members died at his own hand last year, I realized I didn't know as much about him as I wanted and now it was too late. I was very blessed to have had the conversations that I did with him, but I didn't ask the difficult or probing questions that might have given me more insight, might have made me more empathetic, might have given me more forgiveness. I vowed never to let that happen again. So I gave index cards to my staff members and asked them to write the names and addresses of someone who would care to hear news about them. I asked for their birth dates, their anniversaries, and the names of any children, their ages. I wish I could say I developed this myself, but Michael Abrashoff of "It's Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy," gave me the idea.

So far, I have written 15 cards to parents and friends discussing one or two qualities I admire in their loved ones, how happy I am to have them working on my unit and what they are doing or learning, and how much promise they show. My staff members are, for the most part, under the age of 24, away from home for the first time and half a world away. It costs at least $1800 to fly home and it cannot be accomplished over a long weekend. They are also in a profession where they can be called as an individual augmentee to any humanitarian or wartime mission.

It has taken being a mother and losing a shipmate to improve this particular leadership element in myself, pretty steep tuition at the School of Heartbreak and Brutal Experience.

Individual staff members have spoken to me over the past few weeks saying how much their family appreciated hearing about them. One staff member did not know that his family had received my card until he saw it posted on the refrigerator while home on leave. They didn't throw it away. That means a lot to me.

Escaping the Dead End Corridor

Even though I'm on leave, I still went in to work today. I had the doctor look at The Son's induration (it was healing), I physically signed out on leave, and I reviewed my email and action items. I compiled statistics and submitted the monthly Division Officer report because I wouldn't be back before the deadline. I fretted about sending one of the corpsmen to the ICU.

Ultimately, the corpsman I decided on was the result of my reading Marcus Buckingham's book, "Now, Discover Your Strengths." If this corpsman sees something that needs to be done, rather than finding a junior corpsman to take care of it, he simply does it himself. He knows a lot from his year on the floor, he has college experience, and he is older and dedicated to the Navy as a career. His strengths are his maturity, his ability to take initiative, and his clinical skills and expertise.

His weakness, as he relayed to me, is his inability to delegate. "It's just easier and faster to do it myself," he said.

I have identified two concepts here:

1. Many times it IS much easier to do it yourself. Picking up litter and answering the telephone are low-level tasks that require no additional training beyond common sense and commitment to teamwork.

2. You should always be training your replacement. There was no need for me to submit a report while on leave. I should have trained someone else to do it. I have to explain where to find the data for the reports and how to update the charts. I have to obtain permissions for the other person to be a contributor online. I have to show them how to review and respond to requests for additional information from higher-ups. I haven't done any of that and it's only a monthly report, so I also need to generate a "how-to" for my desktop reference, "Instant Division Officer Handbook - just add respirations."

I've shoved fistfuls of paper into this 3-inch binder and I haven't organized anything and I haven't made it easier for the next person to step into my shoes. When I first arrived here, I dutifully noted the heavily stenciled warning above the double doors: Dead End Corridor No Exit. I joke that the sign leading to my office is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, it will be if I don't start training my replacement now.